Yesterday, I saw this post on author Mark Manson’s Instagram profile
Number 1, I’ve spend YEARS doing. This is nothing new and throughout the past two years I tend to take my failures as a comfort.
Number 2 & 3 are hitting me really hard right now.
About two weeks ago I received an email which has great potential to literally shift my professional career life in ways I’ve only dreamt of until now. One of my supposed “failures” actually became a “win”.
It is (and will be for a while) still be a work in progress which is why I’m hesitant to speak of the details. But, what I do want to speak of is all of these feelings and thoughts I’ve had for the past two weeks.
The first feeling was, “holy shit, manifestations really do work! The universe REALLY does work!”
But then my cave man brain kicked in:
- “Did they make a mistake choosing my idea?”
- “Do they know this would be my first real project?”
- “Do they know I have no idea what I’m doing?”
- “Oh my God, what am I doing here?!”
- “Can they see my nervous sweat pouring out of every single pore of my body?”
- “Can they detect my shaky voice?”
- “Am I saying this right?”
- “Am I writing this right?”
- “Is my actual idea any good?”
- “Did they accidentally send this to me?”
I spent days worrying.
Before this moment, I gave myself a lot of credit for being able to calm down my anxiety by meditating and being out in nature. But for these few days…my brain was on overload and I couldn’t even get through a 5 minute meditation.
And shockingly, this was all due to one of my main life dreams having real potential to be coming true. You would think I would feel more positive about this all, right?
At moments during these days you could find me hutch down in my hallway, paralyzed in complete fear complete with tears rolling down my cheeks.
It wasn’t until my stress produced a cold sore on my lip, that I decided enough of this negative thinking. It’s not serving me and I need to let it go. I took the day off, gave my brain a must needed rest, sat on the couch and watched some mind numbing tv. Sometimes, you just have to do that. Which worked. After a few hours, I began to think more positive and even had more ideas to add to my project.
I was able to then meditate a bit more and eventually my mind finally calmed down. It finally began ignoring the cave man thoughts and instead shifted to focusing on reality.
The only real fact of the matter, is that I can’t control what is going to happen.
Whatever the higher ups think of my idea and how I put it together….is not in my control.
All I have control over is the fact that I’m trying I’m best.
Really, worst case scenario for me, is that I get more experience out of this. So, even if my idea doesn’t “land” it’s okay. I’ll be okay.
Until then, I’ll just do my best with it and move on.
If my idea lands, then I will I celebrate it up.
If my idea doesn’t land, it’ll be okay. I’ll still celebrate this amazing opportunity and all the experience and knowledge I’ll be taking away from it and putting it towards a future project.
As long as I’m having fun and learning…then I’m already winning.
Mark Manson‘s post let me know that these feelings are completely normal. If anything, I take it as another sign from the universe that I am on the right track. Even if I feel not “qualified” enough or fearful of sounding bad, I’m still going to proceed with it.
Because if I run away now, I’ll always regret it. So, here’s to quieting down the voices in our head and going for it anyway.